Hey baby, want to share my unsafe space?

Craigslist is a stew of people I will never have sex with, ever. Most of it is thoroughly unremarkable. It’s only the most special ones who warrant mention in this semi-regular gallery of awful, awful human beings who are not worth a sniff of my mooncup.

Meet Mr Creepytent. That’s not his name, as Craigslist is fairly anonymous, but it suits him fairly well. Mr Creepytent has posted in the “men seeking women” section, with a particular type of lady in mind, as Mr Creepytent has a rather specialist need. Put down those eyebrows, dear readers, as it’s not any sort of filthy fetish from your foetid fancies. It’s creepier than that.

“Are you going to be protesting at the Ecuadorian embassy alone?” asks Mr Creepytent. A faint scuttling sound is heard as he approaches. “Well what a coincidence, so am I” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“I’m heading there friday evening and staying overnight the whole weekend leading up to Assange’s statement on Sunday at 2pm. I don’t have any camping equipment so my plan right now is to sleep on the pavement, but if you want to share what you have, I’ll be infinitely grateful,” he continues. How can you say no? You can’t allow this man to sleep on the streets when there’s hero-worship of an egomaniac to be done, and pizza to be sent to an alleged rapist!

Honestly, I can’t think of a better place to pull for a creep than in an explicitly unsafe space such as camping outside waiting for Julian fucking Assange to emerge. AssAngels are hardly known for a nuanced understanding of consent, either.

So congratulations, Mr Creepytent. I will never share your tent. I hope nobody else did either.

5 thoughts on “Hey baby, want to share my unsafe space?”

  1. Until I read your post I thought I was alone. I thought no one would understand. I thought no one else derived the same sick pleasure from reading the personals section on Craigslist as me.

    Thank you.

    1. WE ARE LEGION. But I find it a curious mixture of hilarious, unsettling, and genuinely saddening. The “missed connections” bit may be the most desperate, lonely thing on the planet.

  2. I’m a little confused. Is Juliet due to give another of her I-have-dream burbles from her balcony again this Sunday? Heaven save us.

    “When you wake up tomorrow after your dark night watching over me and my fight against great imperialist injustice just know that the sun has risen on a small South American nation that stood for justice, I blah blah wiffle wiffle….”

    God, I laughed.

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