How to avoid a “sex scandal”: a guide for powerful men

Hello powerful men. Welcome to my blog. I’m not entirely sure why you’re here, since I spend most of my time calling you bellowing ballbags, but hi. I hear you’re interested in avoiding sex scandals.

I can hardly say I’m surprised you’d like a better way of dealing with sex scandals, what with your current methods not working very well at all. Your traditional methods of covering the whole thing up are unravelling at the seams. No matter how many high-up cronies you enlist to make sure nobody knows about your little indiscretions, it always captures the attention of some pesky journalist. And no matter how many people you try to sue, those dogged little gnats on Twitter and things keep tweeting your name, don’t they? Simply put, it’s a hard time to be a powerful man with peccadilloes, isn’t it? This whole thing could ruin a man’s career, couldn’t it?

Well, Auntie Stavvers is here to help. Follow my golden rules, and your career in the party or the church or whatever else you’re famous for will be just fine.

1) Don’t rape anyone. Same goes for sexual abuse, sexual assault or sexual harassment. Those things you call a sex scandal or an indiscretion? That’s what they are. You’re not entitled to sex. Learn some respect, practise enthusiastic consent, and you’ll be fine.

2) There is nothing else to it. Just behave like a decent fucking human being, and you won’t find yourself in these situations.


5 thoughts on “How to avoid a “sex scandal”: a guide for powerful men”

  1. mmm… a few more rules

    Dont sleep with prostitutes (archer, profumo)
    Dont take comrades to sex clubs (sheridan)
    Dont indulge in blowjobs with interns (Clinton)
    Dont go cottaging (Davies)
    Dont have a “love child” (Yeo, Parkinon)

  2. I think it could be quite well boiled down into these simple words…

    “Keep it in your pants, dickhead!”

    It would save a lot of problems, and maybe contribute to the downfall of the gutter press as a side effect (if they’ve nothing else to write about that is)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.