Protect our poor white boys from the evils of trigger warnings

An evil stalks our white men, threatening them with seconds of mild awkwardness and the possibility they might have to think about others briefly. I am talking, of course, of trigger warnings. The usage of a short textual warning above content, equivalent to allergy or seizure warnings but relating to mental health, is new to these white men, just catching their attention.

It scares them. It scares them shitless. For many, it is hands down the biggest threat they are facing. And this cannot stand: this historically-cossetted group is finally encountering some adversity: imagine! They may have to think about other people’s feelings, something we have wrapped them in cotton wool to avoid. They may have to take thirty seconds of their time to type a short warning about what lies within an article… or even a book, fancy that! And worst of all–this is something we have tried for millennia to shield the poor souls from–people might, upon reading a trigger warning, choose not to immediately read what they have written.

This cannot stand. Nothing hurts white men’s feelings more than being able to blart their opinions everywhere while everyone smiles and nods. We have trained them into this, they know no different. They must be cushioned against this frightening change that has come upon them.

Of course, the little darlings are not completely defenceless. They have been bravely writing articles everywhere about how they are being censored, frequently getting paid to write about just how censored and silenced they are. They have been compiling “scientific” evidence: did you know “exposure therapy” works? It does, that’s why it’s used so often on chat shows like Maury! And, also, it shows up, like, all the time in films and fiction, where the character “faces their fears” and suddenly it’s no longer a problem. Science!

However, despite their best efforts, it isn’t enough. We are facing perhaps the biggest epidemic of Hurt White Man Feelings since Jeremy Clarkson got sacked. The warm duvets of blissful ignorance may be unwrapped, revealing that some people have experienced far worse than having to summarise content. This cannot be: white men’s problems are obviously the biggest problems.

And so, avoid trigger warnings. They may help survivors, and people with phobias, people with all manner of mental health problems, but let’s not forget the realest of real victims: white men who might have to do something. It is they who must be protected at all costs, because they never had to grow coping mechanisms like the rest of us.

10 thoughts on “Protect our poor white boys from the evils of trigger warnings”

  1. Perhaps we should organise an event to raise funds? We could call it TrigAid, and have representations of all of the white man’s ethnic and cultural heritage. Chris Moyles, Chris Evans, and Clarkson could emcee it, and there would be music from the likes of Coldplay and Robin Thicke.

    It would be livestreamed to basements and attics everywhere!

  2. TW: Graphic violence/gore

    Actually, speaking of trigger warnings, I would’ve appreciated one on the third link in your last “Things I read” post. The ‘”Radical Self-Reliance” Is Killing People’ article starts, rather ironically, with a trigger warning about suicide but by the time you can see the warning you’ve already been presented with a large photograph of a fist holding a severed bloody heart. I can’t quite work out how it didn’t occur to the author, who was thoughtful enough to put a trigger warning, that such an image might be deeply unpleasant for people to suddenly have thrust at them.

    But also to end on a positive note I support everything you say in this post! 🙂

  3. Hey hey! Trigger warning needed. I’m a poor (as in needing sympthathy, I’ve actually got loads of cash) white man and I just got triggered by your post. I hate to tell the story, but now you’ve made me remember it, I’ll tell it so you know that us poor white men also have hardships.

    I was walking in the park one day, checking out the chicks, when one of them told me off (bitch!). She then proceeded to hand me a flyer explaining about objectification, which had some links to various posts. The humiliation! The worst thing was, many of those posts had trigger warnings and when I read them I became uncomfortable. Maybe I wasn’t right when I told people that “women have smaller brains than men, and so are scientifically not as capable at stuff like science”. Me, wrong?!

    Ever since, whenever I see a trigger warning, I get anxious, and some times can’t even read the post.

    Shame on you for not taking into account the feelings of us white men!

    1. He anonymous 4982 (no name means you kinda are a troll but for what’s worth mr. hidey-hole) This quote is not mine, I just happened to read it two seconds ago on a different blog. The tiny minds thing has a source… but any how as you weren’t being serious about trigger warnings, and needed to some attention for your misogyny, this is dedicated to you:

      “Male Privilege, The Protected Sex The control Freak. I wanna be in charge, otherwise I’m going to feel butt hurt, omg, what shall I do, I feel worthless, no no not her, it’s me, I am in charge, they told me I am the privileged one, i got to have my privilege. I’m in charge, i tell you, it’s me

      The result of taking second place to girls at school is that the boy feels a sense of inferiority that he is never afterward able entirely to shake off “Editorial in London Globe against co-education)” Written c1900.

      Alice Duer Miller
      What Every Woman Must Not Say

      “I don’t pretend I’m clever,” he remarked, “or very wise,”
      And at this she murmured, “Really,” with the right polite surprise.

      “But women,” he continued, “I must own I understand;
      Women are a contradiction—honorable and underhand—

      Constant as the star Polaris, yet as changeable as Fate,
      Always flying what they long for, always seeking what they hate.”

      “Don’t you think,” began the lady, but he cut her short: “I see
      That you take it personally—women always do,” said he.

      “You will pardon me for saying every woman is the same,
      Always greedy for approval, always sensitive to blame;

      Sweet and passionate are women; weak in mind, though strong in soul;
      Even you admit, I fancy, that they have no self-control?”

      “No, I don’t admit they haven’t,” said the patient lady then,
      “Or they could not sit and listen to the nonsense talked by men.”

  4. I don’t think the world should come with trigger warnings. They don’t work. They don’t protect people. Discussions about what has been triggered and or knowing when to stop reading when you get the first red flag IS the trigger warning.

    But by all means carry on about white men blurting without consideration. T’is far too true.

  5. Oh god this! This a million times over. The same can be said for just reading/listening to the point of view of an oppressed person without feeling the need to interject because white men get offended by the generalisations of white men :’)

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