Things I learned from having a mild case of covid

Last week, Lady Rona called my name. The lateral flow test lit up like a fucking Christmas tree in seconds. The confirmatory PCR came through positive the next morning.

I’m a high risk person. I’ve spent the last two years being fairly terrified of catching the virus because I’m aware it could be very bad for me. Even though I’m fully vaccinated and boostered, and got in early on that because of my high risk, I’ve still been, basically, fucking terrified of catching it. One of the first things I thought when the test came up positive was that I should start planning my funeral and pack a bag to take to the hospital.

I suppose this post is especially for people like me, who feel like I felt. It’s also for everyone. These are the things I learned from my brush with Miss Rona.

Sometimes mild really does mean mild

“Mild” as defined by governments is taken to mean cases which don’t need urgent medical attention. This can be a level of ill which is Pretty Fucking Sick, and much worse than a horrible flu. But for me, it really was mild. It was so mild I’m not sure I’d have noticed it had I not taken that test when I did.

I had two symptoms, if you can really call it symptoms. One was doing gigantic sneezes. Not even sneezing more frequently, possibly slightly above the average amount of sneezing I do at this time of year. They were huge sneezes though. Body-wracking intense. The world flying out of my nose intense. Whenever I sneezed into my elbow, it would be absolutely coated with sneeze like a nasal bukkake. That was pretty unpleasant. Also, for the first day or so, I constantly felt like I might sneeze at minimal provocation (I didn’t, usually).

The other one was a runny nose. A really, really runny nose that came in fits and starts, and when it was running I’d have to check the tissue to make sure it wasn’t a nosebleed. My snot was very watery, and any tissue it touched would immediately disintegrate. Most of the time my nose wasn’t running, and it wasn’t blocked up at all. It would just occasionally run like all fuck.

And that was it. It was annoying. It was also less bad than any cold I’ve ever had, and most of my seasonal allergies are nastier too. And the symptoms were gone after about three days.

Mitigations work

I credit my actually really really fucking mild case of coronavirus to public health measures. I received my booster in early November, which trained my body to throw any little spiky round boys out of my nose so quickly it was a bit too speedy for my liking. The public health measures in place also meant that even though I was sufficiently exposed to be infected, I didn’t receive a particularly high viral load. Research suggests the amount you’re exposed makes a difference to how sick you get, and I caught it at a time where masking indoors is mandatory. I’ve also been wearing an FFP2 mask out and about, offering me a greater degree of protection, and prefer to socialise outdoors. All of this helped me to have a coronavirus experience which was mostly lounging around receiving gifts, being waited on, and eating grapes like an indolent classical princeling.

I don’t know where the fuck I caught it

I initially suspected I’d picked up my rona from a trip to Borough Market, where it was pretty crowded, followed by a couple of pints in a beer garden which was also crowded and fairly covered. But nobody I was with that day picked it up. In fact, nobody I’d seen at all in the week or so preceding my positive test had got it – I advised literally everyone to check!

So I’ve narrowed it down to a couple of possibilities, having ruled out the more obvious suspects. I might have caught it off a coke can, but this seems unlikely as it would have entailed someone with absolutely filthy hands they’d just sneezed in giving that can a good rub down. I might have picked it up the one time I took public transport on my own, sitting in an empty train carriage for a 15 minute journey while wearing an FFP2 mask, but that seems unlikely too, on account of all of the mitigations. So my best working assumption is I caught it outside, specifically from an awful child on a scooter who coughed directly in my face.

Unfortunately, my partner and I had been operating on the assumption that we’d been exposed together, probably at that Borough Market trip, so we didn’t take any steps to avoid me giving it to her once my case was confirmed. She tested positive on Monday. She’s doing fine, she’s even less sniffly than I was. Still, oops.

The lateral flow tests actually work

I’ll admit it. I’ve been incredibly sceptical of the value of lateral flow tests. I was never sure if they were especially accurate, or if I was doing it right… until I tested positive.

The test I took last week turned red literally immediately. The test line appeared even before the control one. It was bright fucking red. It was so quick I assumed it had gone horribly wrong, so I took another. It did the exact same thing. I cannot emphasise enough how quick the reaction was. It was cartoonish.

Two days later, I took another test and I really fucking half arsed it, out of sheer curiosity to see if it would pick up anything. I poked the swab a little bit up my nose, gave a cursory little rub to each nostril and then swirled it in the liquid for a couple of seconds. It still showed a positive result as soon as the drops went in.

By day 5, when I could take my first test to get out of isolation, it was taking longer than mere heartbeats to show a positive result – I think it was about five minutes, and the line was fainter. Day 6, it was negative and today it was too, so I’m free as a bird and feeling a lot better about the sensitivity of lateral flows when you’re riddled with rona.

I didn’t kill my girlfriend’s dad

My other worst case scenario with covid was infecting someone else. And all right, I did, but my partner healthy and it’s sitting fine on her. The bigger worry was, the day before I tested positive, we’d gone for a drink with her dad. And he had taken a sip from my glass to try my beer. And I’d sneezed intensely a couple of times that day, so was probably already infected.

Was I about to have committed the crime of girlfriend’s-dad-icide?

Once again, it was fine. I am apparently not very good at infecting others with the coronavirus. He’s not even sniffing a little bit.

Nevertheless, I don’t think I could live with myself if I did manage to make someone seriously ill. Even though I’m officially allowed to leave the house, I’m being more meticulous than I had been about taking steps not to infect others. I am in a relationship with hand sanitiser. The big guns masks, even for just stepping into the Nisa to buy some crisps. My future plans are all very well ventilated and ideally outdoors, because I do not want to have that panic again.

Self isolating in a small flat sucks

Unfortunately, I live in London. This means I live somewhere incredibly poky (or, as an estate agent would put it, cosy). It was just about all right when I tested positive but my partner was negative and able to go out, do the shopping, take herself for a solo pint and all around give ourselves space.

It was not so good when she tested positive and we were on top of each other. We’ve been treating ourselves to taking long baths for some alone time. I couldn’t be more excited about the prospect of getting to take myself to a beer garden to sit on my own with a pint and book now I’m out of covid jail.

The regulations are shit. We all deserve better.

The equation has shifted and for all of us, even the most at risk, the risk of a really boring week is much higher than the risk of getting seriously ill. That’s thanks to mitigations and public health measures.

But the thing is, living with the virus doesn’t have to mean an endless parade of catching it and streaming snot everywhere. We just don’t have to do that. Something different is possible.

The risks of covid, in conjunction with other winter diseases, are still unacceptable, even if the vast majority of us – even the at-risk – will be just fine. And measures like masking and adequate ventilation don’t just reduce transmission of coronavirus. They also drastically reduce the other pesky bugs like flu. Wouldn’t it be great if flu season was much smaller?

And these last couple of years of the pandemic have demostrated just how we can do that. What we need is a cultural shift towards valuing disabled lives. A culture of consideration, being polite enough to wear a bit of paper over your face when you’re in crowded places or staying at home when you’ve got a cold. A culture where lives are valued over presenteeism

And more than ever we need to fucking dismantle capitalism. Lots of benefits to that. In terms of immediate public health measures, there’s moves the state could easily make as transitional demands: better building standards for ventilation, retrofitting schools, supporting people to be vaccinated, liveable sick pay and sanctions for employers who are not prioritising their workers’ safety.

They won’t do that. Which is why we have to demand it, and keep demanding it. It’s achievable with collective action.

Unfortunately for those in power, Lady Rona didn’t carry me away. And I’m damn well going to yell about how shit they are.

_

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The lesson in the Robert Webb interview: Inside the mind of The British Strain Of Transphobe

I listened to the clip everyone is talking about: Jesse Thorn’s interview with Robert Webb, challenging him very mildly on transphobia. It’s a fascinatingly instructive as to how the mind of The British Strain Of Transphobe works. When presented with an incredibly mild refutation of his stance, there was one thing he was incapable of saying: “I was wrong and not in possession of all the facts.”

This is the crux of The British Strain Of Transphobe mindset. It’s a core part of their identity that they’re smarter than everyone else. The vast majority of them start life on the private/grammar school-Oxbridge pipeline, where in place of education they’re just told this. The possibility of being incorrect is something The British Strain Of Transphobe is incapable of processing, because they’ve spent their lives believing they’re cleverer than everyone else, and this belief is integral to their belief of who and what they are. The British Strain Of Transphobe lives within an echo chamber of similar people. This is why, for example, transphobia spread like wildfire among the sceptic community, where many organisers are posh white folk, and it hinges on the belief of being smarter than everyone else.

And so, how does the British Strain Of Transphobe react to someone raising the mere possibility that they might be incorrect about something? Badly, because they take it as a fundamental attack on their identity as a person who is smarter than everyone else.

In the Webb interview, you can hear his rising sense of defensiveness, of something dancing around anger. This is because he is a man who cannot process the concept that he might not know everything, because if he’s not smarter than everyone else, what even is he? The British Strain Of Transphobe, cosseted in their echo chambers, can, most of the time, ignore or dismiss the thing which frightens them most – not, in fact, being smarter than everyone else. They shut out the messengers who might point out they could be wrong about something. On social media, they can put it down to trolls. In their vanishingly tiny circles, they shut themselves away from anyone who might point out there’s something they don’t know.

But the Webb interview was different. In this instance, Webb couldn’t dismiss the source of the message. He’d just spent half an hour talking with a well-educated arts and culture host – someone he respected. And then – wham! – this person Webb considered an equal smacked him with the thing he feared most.

Essentially, what you are witnessing in the Webb interview is the man having an existential crisis.

The actual subject matter of what Webb was wrong about was irrelevant to him. The thing which rattled him was a concept he and other British Strain Of Transphobes structure their lives around avoiding entertaining: that he was wrong about something.

Now, it’s unfortunate that despite having an understanding of the problem, I have no suggestions as to how to solve it. It’s just too powerful a part of their identity to challenge, someone living their whole life thinking they’re very smart and cannot be wrong. And when they are wrong, a polite (or impolite) refutation, “you’re wrong, here’s the facts”, just isn’t going to cut the mustard, because it’s not about the facts at all, it’s about their sense of self as a person who is smarter than everyone else.

At the end of the day, I don’t know what to do with this information. Maybe someone smarter than me can figure it out.

_

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This picture shows how the virus is spreading

Cabinet meeting on 12/01/2021, via Downing Street flickr

They want you to believe it’s your neighbours. The client journalists howl about the covidiots, illustrated with carefully cropped images of people on a beach. They tell you it’s people drinking coffee on a park bench who are spreading it. It’s the young people, they say, the kids and their parties.

A shame none of it is true.

The majority of transmission of the virus is taking place in workplaces and schools. The photo at the top of this blog illustrates what is happening. Look at those craven bastards, blood all over their hands. This is not just a photograph of those who are responsible for over a thousand deaths a day. It’s a photograph of how the virus really spreads.

They sit indoors, in an airless room. You can tell they haven’t so much as cracked a window because they’re not wearing a coat in this bitter January cold. Not one of them is wearing a mask. And, to add insult to injury, this photograph shows that none of them need to be there at all. This is a mass mixing of households – six in the photograph alone – which did not need to happen. They could have done this on Zoom. They are doing this on Zoom!

This is where the virus is spreading. This is how the virus is spreading. On every high street you can peek into the (closed, they’re always closed) windows of an estate agent and see them following the government’s lead, tapping away at office work which could be done at home. You’ll hear the murmurs from the meeting rooms in every office block. People are going to non-essential work, and they shouldn’t have to. People are made to spend their days in non-ventilated rooms, mixing households when they don’t have to.

There is no evidence that poor public adherence to the rules is responsible for continuing spread. And that’s because it isn’t true.

Once again: transmission is happening in schools and workplaces.

Remember this image. This is what is really happening. This is how the virus is taken into people’s homes, because of vanity and resistance to letting people do their work from home. Because those in charge are too vain to wear their masks and don’t want to do it while at their thoroughly unnecessary meeting.

The worst thing is, it was those in charge that published this photograph. Those in charge who thought it made them look good. And those in charge who will, probably, like everything else, get away with it. So remember this image. Don’t let them get away with it. For every person who buys into their narrative of “covidiots”, show them this picture of the real covidiots. Unionise, and ensure that your workplace does not look like this superspreader event waiting to happen. And most of all, rage. Let it burn inside of you until it’s fit to burst.

Turn your anger the right way, at those responsible. And don’t let them get away with blaming us.

_

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Doomful and gloomful predictions for 2020

Welp, this decade has been a continuous stream of shit, hasn’t it? It reminds me a lot of the time I got food poisoning off an out-of-date salad, except at least that cleared up fairly quickly.

In great news, I think it’s going to get worse. Incrementally, but undeniably worse. Here’s some things that I think will probably happen.

Literally everything will just get a bit worse.

Sorry, I wanted to say more, but basically that’s it. You know how Boris Johnson is Prime Minister? That, and he’ll do a lot of bad things. You know that US election? Yeah, Trump will probably win it again. You know how centrists are repeatedly sabotaging any effective resistance, either through incompetence or design? Yep, you guessed it, more of the same.

This will be the recurring theme of 2020. The same, but more.

Kind of like that dodgy salad, except the pooping goes on into infinity.

I mean this in the nicest posssible way, but we’re fucking doomed. Just literally doomed to death, Doomy McDoomface.

…but there is something we can do

It’s small. I started this decade thinking collectively we could change the course of history, and we probably can’t. But we can help each other to survive what is to come. We might fantasise about going back in time and killing Hitler as a baby, but that won’t work. We’ve had chances to prevent the same problems playing out once again, and we’ve failed again and again.

But you know what we can do? Keep each other alive. Reaching out to others, giving material or practical support if we can. Showing up for others. And defying where we can. Make the monsters feel monstrous, because they’re fucking monsters.

We’re fucked, but like that scene in Toy Story 3, let’s hold hands as we plunge into the furnace.

Um, happy new year, I guess.

_

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BBC Woman’s Hour: shitty journalism and transphobic bias – a backed up thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

What a fuckin surprise. Shame on @BBCWomansHour; this shows their bias as clear as day.

Crowsa Luxemburg@quendergeer

Weirdly, @BBCWomansHour has decided to go with this story, which misgenders a woman and calls her “entitled” and a “liar” and implies she’s selfish for transitioning https://twitter.com/BBCWomansHour/status/1082720503641620486 

BBC Woman’s Hour

@BBCWomansHour

“He handed me a letter…It said ‘I’m a woman’.” ‘Michelle’s’ ex-husband transitioned after 16 years of marriage. She spoke to @bbcwomanshour about how it made her feel. Her words are read by an actor as ‘Michelle’ (not her real name) requested anonymity. https://bbc.in/2CXuSMx 

Now, I don’t doubt that we’ll be getting ~Sensibles~ defending the choice BBC Women’s Hour made here because “a story where nothing bad happens isn’t interesting”. This is bullshit, and it reflects a very bigoted and biased agenda at BBCWH. Let’s talk about why.
They chose a story which ties into negative stereotypes about trans women, and used “Michelle” as a proxy to spread these myths, they used “Michelle” as a mouthpiece to repeatedly misgender a trans woman. Misgendering is a transphobic act.
I’m going to charitably go along with Women’s Hour and pretend “Michelle” is actually a real person, rather than someone they made up internally or some bigot op submitting a fake story.
Now, there’s lots of reasons they’d choose “Michelle’s” story over any other story submitted, and all of them reflect badly on @BBCWomansHour. It’s pretty much a pina colada of individual transphobia, institutional transphobia and shitty journalism.
Let’s go back to this story that @BBCWomansHour refused to tell, which its defenders may say “wasn’t that interesting”. Even the most mediocre student journalist could wring an interesting story out of this by asking the right follow-up questions.

Libby 🧜🏳️‍🌈@LibbyLights

So @BBCWomansHour are doing a series on the impact transition has on partners and are asking for submissions. This is mine:

e.g. what did you have to do to communicate better? How did you learn to deal with conflict? Tell me more about that experience of falling in love all over again.

These are just some of the options, had they bothered to do any journalism.

There’s a lot of other interesting stories out there that @BBCWomansHour could have explored regarding partners and transition. e.g. they could have spoken to someone who went through the complicated legal situation of ending a marriage to get legal gender recognition.
But no. @BBCWomansHour made the conscious decision to run a really bigoted story playing into negative stereotypes, because they couldn’t be bothered to run an interesting story. It was a choice they made, and it tells us a lot about the quality of the programme (i.e. it’s bad)
The stories you choose to tell show a lot about you. And what @BBCWomansHourchose to tell shows us they’re biased, transphobic and terrible journalists.
“that bitch ruined my life” is the most boring, tired story ever told. It’s told about women of all stripes and experience, and this is the story @BBCWomansHour chose to tell. It’s not a novel story, it’s just lazy and misogynistic, every damn time.
Yup. The media in general has a strong preference for a lurid, negative story over one with a happy ending, which is often bumped to “and finally”, or magazine shows. Like @BBCWomansHour – the happy story is really more in line with their brand.

Louise Ferreira@frrlou

I would think that the happy story is the more interesting one, because it shows that such a huge change doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship. It’s a different narrative to the dominant one. Seriously, that’s just basic storytelling.

Ultimately @BBCWomansHour‘s story on trans parners is like if they’d run a feature on working under woman CEOs and decided to pick the story from an employee who said “my boss is an ugly, ball-breaking bitch”

_

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Thread: gloomy predictions about the charity sector following bigot interference

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

Look, this is a massive concern for *everyone* here, that trolls can organise against grant-making bodies to cut of funding for charities. It sets a chilling precedent for the entirety of the charitable sector.

http://attitude.co.uk/article/big-lottery-fund-reviewing-decision-to-give-transgender-charity-500000-following-concerns/19914/ …

In the interest of “fairness”, grant-making bodies are now more likely to bow to orchestrated campaigns. For example, MRAs pissing and whining about breast cancer funding can now point to funders and say “see? You review funding decisions here.”

This is legitimately an enormous concern for the entire charity sector, who rely on grants from bodies like the BLF, that if some bigots online take umbrage to their charitable aims (which, let’s be honest, most charities piss someone off) they could be defunded.

It’s not like bodies like the BLF hand out money like sweeties, either. The amount of work and evidencing of their programme work to get a grant charities must go through is enormous, and the amount of due diligence the grant-maker does in turn is significant.

So these grants are already a result of hard work on both sides, where only the best-evidenced projects from charities that have been well and truly vetted to death are funded. So it’s a DANGEROUS precedent that grant-makers can turn round and go “nah” in response to trolls.

It’s Mermaids today. Who will it be tomorrow? I suspect that same hateful mob already have other LGBT charities in their sights. But other mobs, too, will have other targets. Women’s charities, anti-racism charities, disability and health charities are all hugely at risk.

In a world where poverty and need is too often seen as some sort of moral failing, this campaign against funding a children’s charity is deeply frightening for any charitable organisation who piss off an internet forum of bigots.

But of course the trolls behind this appalling campaign don’t care, or worse still, gleefully want to watch the world burn for all charitable work.

Update 19/2/19: Thankfully, funding continues. https://twitter.com/Mermaids_Gender/status/1097867934750396418

 

__

Usually this is where I ask for money. Today, I’m not. I’m asking you to make a donation to Mermaids UK, the first victims of this new bigoted approach to choking funding. 

A quick reminder to fill out the GRA consultation

Hi everyone. I’m sure a lot of you have done this already, but if you haven’t, this is a huge opportunity for fighting back against an aggressive wave of bigotry in this country. The government has launched a consultation into reforming the Gender Recognition Act to cut red tape for trans people.

https://consult.education.gov.uk/government-equalities-office/reform-of-the-gender-recognition-act/

It’s minor tweaks to existing legislation which would make life a lot easier and not affect a single cis life.

Unfortunately, it’s provoked a tidal wave of horrific bigotry. Chances are, the government will chuck their green ink into the bin, but on the off-chance they don’t, it’s really important that pro-LGBT voices are heard. Can you fill out the consultation? Stonewall have helpfully provided some guidance for what you can say

http://www.stonewall.org.uk/our-work/campaigns/come-out-trans-equality

As with any e-campaign, I strongly recommend you fill out the consultation via the government website, and change the wording slightly if you’re copy-pasting Stonewall’s answers: they filter and dismiss identical answers.

It should take you about 10 minutes, and doing this is a very real opportunity to create positive change for trans people – as well as sticking two fingers up at the bigots!

The weird period symptoms thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

R T if you’ve never abused a marginalised woman just because you’re on the rag

RT@ksej
Apparently that terf who yelled penis was on her period and that’s why she did it. Because periods making women behave ridiculously isn’t a misogynist stereotype when there’s trans women to hate, I guess

Things I do when I’m on my period:
-Eat
-Nap
-Complain
-Cry at videos of animals reuniting with owners from years ago
-Tweet gory details at politicians with a bad track record of abortion rights

Things I don’t do when I’m on my period:
-Abuse marginalised women on TV

Valid reasons to say “I was on my period”:
-Taking a sick day from work
-Borrowing a cuntplug
-Explaining why it’s 3pm and you’re still crying in your PJs.

Invalid reasons to say “I was on my period”:
-When u made a tit of urself abusing a marginalised woman on TV

For real though, I’m going to use this thread now to talk about some unpleasant period things which nobody really talks about, that happen to a lot of menstruators and are perfectly normal. Hint: one of those things is NOT hurling abuse at marginalised women.

The runs. A lot of people get the runs around period time. For years, I thought I was the only one. But nope. It’s really fucking common. Your body sends out “squeeze blood out” hormones which sometimes also tell your guts to eject everything too. Cheers, body.

Sense of smell. My sense of smell changes when I’m on the rag. I don’t think it’s *heightened* per se, but pretty much every human odour smells a bit like off dairy just before my period comes. It is fucking horrible, happens to a lot of menstruators, apparently.

It’s lumpy. I don’t think we talk enough about how fucking solid periods can be. I use a mooncup, and because of the mechanics of that, the blood mixed with mucus can make really long strings. Sometimes I compete with myself to see how long a strand I can get out of my pussy.

Clumsiness and forgetfulness. Jesus fucking wept my dyspraxia goes up to 11 when perioding, and basically everyone gets it to some degree. Note: you don’t clumsily and forgetfully hurl abuse at marginalised women, tho.

I don’t get this but a hell of a lot of menstruators seem to get sore or itchy bums around period time. Lovely.

Love how all the responses on this thread are now “holy shit, I thought that was just me”. So, to conclude, periods do weird stuff, but don’t make you hurl abuse at marginalised women.

By the way, science doesn’t really know why any of these things happen, and hasn’t even documented how common it is, mostly, because science tends to go “ugh, unimportant weird womb stuff”. But if you find any weird recurring symptoms, do monitor yourself- and talk about it!

Periods are weird and kinda gross and fuck it, talk about that because chances are someone else has had the exact same weird grossness.

on more than one occasion, I’ve had TERFs dogpiling because of how I talk about periods as though they’re anything but ~sacred womb magic~ but fuck it, today I’ve raised awareness and reassured menstruators while they’re just out their spreading misogynistic stereotypes.

This is an area for which I’ve heard SO much anecdotal evidence, and, like the weird period symptoms I’ve been tweeting about, there’s no real “scientific” evidence because there’s no interest in studying these experiences. However, anecdotal evidence is it’s common af

RT @sapphixy
Reminder that many trans women experience periods — everything shy of actually expelling blood from one’s nethers. Cramps? Yup. Mood effects? Yup. Period shits? Yup.…
11:57 AM – 10 May 2018

Science obviously has no will to study this because it’s so much easier to dismiss women’s experiences as made up, we all know this, and add some transmisogyny on top, but here’s a couple of hypotheses as to why it’d happen.

An effect of oestrogen every day is its uptake varies according to a cycle? Everyone, literally everyone has an endogenous cycle of hormones, and it’s only visible in AMAB people who take oestrogen because it makes this rhythm more observable? Research this!

Anecdotally, when I go back-to-back on my contraceptive pills, I’ll blow up like a balloon, have the shits and weird smells around the time my period would have been, just without the actual period bit.

By the way, researching this is really important, as is researching the non-uterine period symptoms I talked about in this thread.  It’s of benefit to absolutely everyone. It could lead to developments in better hormone therapy.

 

And hell, maybe it could lead to even more important developments. for example, we know periods often give you gut trouble, and also that there’s a genetic aspect which means both ovarian and bowel cancers run in families. Are hormones and guts connected more than we thought?

It’s fucking absurd that so many people have been talking about all of this for years and there could be a lot of really positive medical applications if someone just fucking researched it.

_

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The absolutely appalling thread rating Mario Kart characters as penises

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

I guess of all the Mario Kart characters for your penis to look like, Toad is probably the least weird, I mean imagine if someone drops trou and it’s Waluigi staring out at you
Them: *unzips fly*
Their dick:A screenshot from Super Mario 64. Mario flies through a blue sky with a winged cap, arms spread wide. In bright letters next to him are the words LET'S GO
FINE THEN let’s rate Mario Kart characters as dick metaphors, shall we.
LUIGI: slender build, good for pegging. Earnest eagerness, probable premature ejaculation. Dicks shouldn’t be green. 3/10Luigi from Mario, a tall thin man in blue dungarees with a green hat and top. A moustache and eager expression
MARIO: good to go at any time, average size, enthusiastic. A decent all-rounder and starter. 8/10Mario. A shorter man wearing blue dungarees and a red cap and top. He has a moustache and looks eager.
BOWSER: if your junk looks like this call a doctor, junk shouldn’t ever be spiny. 1/10Bowser. A creature which looks somewhat like a turtle and a dragon, with a spiny shell
DONKEY KONG: He’s big and girthy, which a lot of people are into. Use lube. Use way more lube than you ever think you’ll need. 7/10Donkey Kong: a large gorilla wearing a tie saying DK sits on a small go-kart.
PRINCESS PEACH: High femme BDE. Slender textured shape perfect for pegging. Cute and pink. 9/10Princess Peach: a blonde woman with an eager expression sits on a motorbike. She wears a pink and white jumpsuit and a crown
YOSHI: a passable buttplug, but too green and lumpy to be a particularly flattering thing to say about a dick. 5/10Yoshi: a green turtle with a very small shell riding a motorbike
WARIO: Good and girthy, but spoiled by a wholly malevolent aura 2/10Wario: A round, large man wearing purble dungarees and a yellow cap and shirt. His face looks like Mario's.
TOAD: actually dick-shaped, I guess. Appears to be wearing a diaper, which some people are into. 6/10Toad. A toadstool wearing what appears to be a diaper.
PRINCESS DAISY: the high femme BDE of Peach. Often in another castle, so satisfaction remains out of reach. 7/10Princess Daisy: a brunette woman astride a motorcycle. She wears an orange and white jumpsuit and a crown.
DRY BONES: interesting textures at play, possibly challenging. Spooky. Probably good for goths. 8/10Dry Bones: a skeleton tortoise
DIDDY KONG: a child, do not apply to your genitals. 0/10A young gorilla wearing a t-shirt and cap stands eagerly in front of a go-kart.
TOADETTE: Dick shaped, and her hair can give clitoral and anal stimulation at the same time. A great all-rounder. 11/10A pink toadstool, winking. She wears a pink dress with balls floating off it.
WALUIGI: too spindly, a wholly sinister energy, terrifying to children and adults alike. -5/10Waluigi. He wears purple dungarees, cap and shirt, and rides a motorcycle. His expression is malevolent and his moustache evil.
SHY GUY: an enigma. so baffling you wish to try it to understand it. Will you regret it? That is not given to us to know. 1-10/10A small masked creature
METAL MARIO: be really careful with metal toys, they can be porous and can be difficult to clean. Smugger than vanilla Mario. 6/10Mario made out of metal, leaning on some tyres
PAC-MAN: useless as a penis, but probably great on a clit. 7/10Pac-man loading screen on Mario Kart. Pac-Man is a yellow ball.
KOOPA TROOPER: can fully expand and retract, which is helpful and I imagine many people would find it better if their penis could do that. 9/10Koopa Trooper: a tortoise driving a go-kart
BIRDO: I literally own a vibrator that looks almost exactly like this. It sucks your clit. It’s fucking amazing. 10/10Birdo: a pink character with a long tubular mouth.
KING BOO: a round boi, prefers oral to PIV. Any goodness is offset by faintly vengeful aura. 6/10A ghost with a long tongue and a crown
LINK: so gender-neutral, so hot. short of perfection by not technically being a mario kart character, just occasionally rocking up to race all of them. 9/10Link from Legend of Zelda riding a motorcycle
WIGGLER: some interesting sensations, great for anal. Can get in the way rather annoyingly tho. 5/10A yellow caterpillar with a flower on its head
ROSALINA: high femme BDE plus protecting the universe. looks after ur star if u kno what i mean. 9/10Rosalina: a woman with blue hair sits on a motorbike. She's wearing a blue and white jumpsuit and a crown
FIRE MARIO: you ever accidentally forget to wash your hands between chopping chilli and touching your junk? oof. Niche interest. 2/10Fire Mario is Mario with the colours inverted. He is throwing a fireball.
my apologies for forgetting this one!

GOOMBA: a squat little butt plug, a frustrating obstacle that often prevents you from getting there (if u kno what i mean), dimly malevolent energy 2/10

PORCUPUFFER: some of you sinners are no doubt into inflation and stuff but remember what I told you about Bowser: if a dong remotely resembles this, seek urgent medical attention 1/10

BLOOPER: kinda phallic and textured, ejaculates whether u want it to or not. 5/10A blooper from Mario Kart. It resembles a squid.
CHEEP CHEEP: like dick, it’s fucking ubiquitous. like dick, it gets in the way of you having a good time. 3/10A Cheep Cheep resembles a round fish with a mohawk
WENDY O KOOPA: no I have not done Wendy O Koopa yet, and have no intention to, because a Wendy O Koopa seems like a great idea at the time but you will be unable to sit down for a week and piss hot fire for days 4/10

https://twitter.com/banebutwoke/status/1042105004956573697

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The book burnings thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

I can’t say this often enough: the context to this famous image was the Nazis destroying humane, progressive research from the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, who researched and campaigned for rights for LGBT people. Where would we be had they not destroyed it? #LGBTHistoryMonth

Hirschfield’s Institute was truly revolutionary. They were firmly on the side of the people who needed care and understanding the most: queer people, trans people, and yes, they believed in women’s liberation, too.

Free treatment was provided to those who could not pay.

The Institute treated trans people, and validated them. They offered surgery and hormones, and worked with the police to stop arrests of people who were “cross dressing”.

All of this research and this groundbreaking medical care was completely at odds with the Nazis. They attacked the Institute, burned the research they had generated. They sent the Institute’s administrator to a concentration camp (luckily he survived and fled)

And I can’t help but think how long it took to claw back to the position that Hirschfeld was working from. This knowledge and care for LGBT people, especially trans folk, was destroyed… and in many places, it’s still not up to the standard that it was in 1930s Berlin.

Where would we be had Nazis not destroyed the knowledge, compassion and understanding of Hirschfeld and his colleagues at the Institute? It’s a question I often find myself asking

It’s worth noting that if you didn’t know this, it’s not your fault. For some reason (🤔), this bit of history, that humane healthcare for trans people and viewing LGBT folk as people existed in the 30s before the Nazis destroyed it, isn’t widely taught.

So anyway, next time you see that book burning picture pulled up, remember Hirschfeld. Remember the Institute. Remember what it stood for. And tell others.

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