The absolutely appalling thread rating Mario Kart characters as penises

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

I guess of all the Mario Kart characters for your penis to look like, Toad is probably the least weird, I mean imagine if someone drops trou and it’s Waluigi staring out at you
Them: *unzips fly*
Their dick:A screenshot from Super Mario 64. Mario flies through a blue sky with a winged cap, arms spread wide. In bright letters next to him are the words LET'S GO
FINE THEN let’s rate Mario Kart characters as dick metaphors, shall we.
LUIGI: slender build, good for pegging. Earnest eagerness, probable premature ejaculation. Dicks shouldn’t be green. 3/10Luigi from Mario, a tall thin man in blue dungarees with a green hat and top. A moustache and eager expression
MARIO: good to go at any time, average size, enthusiastic. A decent all-rounder and starter. 8/10Mario. A shorter man wearing blue dungarees and a red cap and top. He has a moustache and looks eager.
BOWSER: if your junk looks like this call a doctor, junk shouldn’t ever be spiny. 1/10Bowser. A creature which looks somewhat like a turtle and a dragon, with a spiny shell
DONKEY KONG: He’s big and girthy, which a lot of people are into. Use lube. Use way more lube than you ever think you’ll need. 7/10Donkey Kong: a large gorilla wearing a tie saying DK sits on a small go-kart.
PRINCESS PEACH: High femme BDE. Slender textured shape perfect for pegging. Cute and pink. 9/10Princess Peach: a blonde woman with an eager expression sits on a motorbike. She wears a pink and white jumpsuit and a crown
YOSHI: a passable buttplug, but too green and lumpy to be a particularly flattering thing to say about a dick. 5/10Yoshi: a green turtle with a very small shell riding a motorbike
WARIO: Good and girthy, but spoiled by a wholly malevolent aura 2/10Wario: A round, large man wearing purble dungarees and a yellow cap and shirt. His face looks like Mario's.
TOAD: actually dick-shaped, I guess. Appears to be wearing a diaper, which some people are into. 6/10Toad. A toadstool wearing what appears to be a diaper.
PRINCESS DAISY: the high femme BDE of Peach. Often in another castle, so satisfaction remains out of reach. 7/10Princess Daisy: a brunette woman astride a motorcycle. She wears an orange and white jumpsuit and a crown.
DRY BONES: interesting textures at play, possibly challenging. Spooky. Probably good for goths. 8/10Dry Bones: a skeleton tortoise
DIDDY KONG: a child, do not apply to your genitals. 0/10A young gorilla wearing a t-shirt and cap stands eagerly in front of a go-kart.
TOADETTE: Dick shaped, and her hair can give clitoral and anal stimulation at the same time. A great all-rounder. 11/10A pink toadstool, winking. She wears a pink dress with balls floating off it.
WALUIGI: too spindly, a wholly sinister energy, terrifying to children and adults alike. -5/10Waluigi. He wears purple dungarees, cap and shirt, and rides a motorcycle. His expression is malevolent and his moustache evil.
SHY GUY: an enigma. so baffling you wish to try it to understand it. Will you regret it? That is not given to us to know. 1-10/10A small masked creature
METAL MARIO: be really careful with metal toys, they can be porous and can be difficult to clean. Smugger than vanilla Mario. 6/10Mario made out of metal, leaning on some tyres
PAC-MAN: useless as a penis, but probably great on a clit. 7/10Pac-man loading screen on Mario Kart. Pac-Man is a yellow ball.
KOOPA TROOPER: can fully expand and retract, which is helpful and I imagine many people would find it better if their penis could do that. 9/10Koopa Trooper: a tortoise driving a go-kart
BIRDO: I literally own a vibrator that looks almost exactly like this. It sucks your clit. It’s fucking amazing. 10/10Birdo: a pink character with a long tubular mouth.
KING BOO: a round boi, prefers oral to PIV. Any goodness is offset by faintly vengeful aura. 6/10A ghost with a long tongue and a crown
LINK: so gender-neutral, so hot. short of perfection by not technically being a mario kart character, just occasionally rocking up to race all of them. 9/10Link from Legend of Zelda riding a motorcycle
WIGGLER: some interesting sensations, great for anal. Can get in the way rather annoyingly tho. 5/10A yellow caterpillar with a flower on its head
ROSALINA: high femme BDE plus protecting the universe. looks after ur star if u kno what i mean. 9/10Rosalina: a woman with blue hair sits on a motorbike. She's wearing a blue and white jumpsuit and a crown
FIRE MARIO: you ever accidentally forget to wash your hands between chopping chilli and touching your junk? oof. Niche interest. 2/10Fire Mario is Mario with the colours inverted. He is throwing a fireball.
my apologies for forgetting this one!

GOOMBA: a squat little butt plug, a frustrating obstacle that often prevents you from getting there (if u kno what i mean), dimly malevolent energy 2/10

PORCUPUFFER: some of you sinners are no doubt into inflation and stuff but remember what I told you about Bowser: if a dong remotely resembles this, seek urgent medical attention 1/10

BLOOPER: kinda phallic and textured, ejaculates whether u want it to or not. 5/10A blooper from Mario Kart. It resembles a squid.
CHEEP CHEEP: like dick, it’s fucking ubiquitous. like dick, it gets in the way of you having a good time. 3/10A Cheep Cheep resembles a round fish with a mohawk
WENDY O KOOPA: no I have not done Wendy O Koopa yet, and have no intention to, because a Wendy O Koopa seems like a great idea at the time but you will be unable to sit down for a week and piss hot fire for days 4/10

https://twitter.com/banebutwoke/status/1042105004956573697

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The book burnings thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

I can’t say this often enough: the context to this famous image was the Nazis destroying humane, progressive research from the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, who researched and campaigned for rights for LGBT people. Where would we be had they not destroyed it? #LGBTHistoryMonth

Hirschfield’s Institute was truly revolutionary. They were firmly on the side of the people who needed care and understanding the most: queer people, trans people, and yes, they believed in women’s liberation, too.

Free treatment was provided to those who could not pay.

The Institute treated trans people, and validated them. They offered surgery and hormones, and worked with the police to stop arrests of people who were “cross dressing”.

All of this research and this groundbreaking medical care was completely at odds with the Nazis. They attacked the Institute, burned the research they had generated. They sent the Institute’s administrator to a concentration camp (luckily he survived and fled)

And I can’t help but think how long it took to claw back to the position that Hirschfeld was working from. This knowledge and care for LGBT people, especially trans folk, was destroyed… and in many places, it’s still not up to the standard that it was in 1930s Berlin.

Where would we be had Nazis not destroyed the knowledge, compassion and understanding of Hirschfeld and his colleagues at the Institute? It’s a question I often find myself asking

It’s worth noting that if you didn’t know this, it’s not your fault. For some reason (🤔), this bit of history, that humane healthcare for trans people and viewing LGBT folk as people existed in the 30s before the Nazis destroyed it, isn’t widely taught.

So anyway, next time you see that book burning picture pulled up, remember Hirschfeld. Remember the Institute. Remember what it stood for. And tell others.

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The Germaine Greer receipts thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).
I’m not sure why anyone’s surprised at Germaine Greer’s latest comments on rape, when it’s entirely in keeping with what she’s been saying for years on rape, and she’s consistently come out to bat against survivors and for rapists.
[strong content warning for rape and rape apologism in this thread]
That time Germaine Greer stood there listening to a friend being raped, and then told her friend to get over it msn.com/en-ie/news/wor…
With her consistent track record of dismissing rape as bad sex, it’s no surprise she wrote this fawning profile of Julian Assange. This was after the rape allegations came to light, of course.

I’ve doubtless missed many, many incidences here, and I’m just going with the ones I remember. All of these comments which kick survivors and side with rapists and child abusers, all of them are a matter of public record, but many feminists still pay her speaking fee.
It is also, of course, no surprise that a TERF also has a rapist’s understanding of consent.
Some further analysis of Greer’s latest comments from Flavia here

Flavia Dzodan

@redlightvoices

Good morning! start your day with this shitty lede courtesy of the most high profile TERF in town: “Feminist academic [Germaine Greer] tells Hay festival that ‘most rape is just lazy, careless and insensitive’”

Congolesa Rice@judeinlondon2

There are some of us who predicted the rise of the alt-feminists as early as 2012. Like, @redlightvoices & I genuinely predicted this. https://twitter.com/guardian/status/1001892079927222274 

One of the things that often gets buried is that when feminists and activists object to Greer speaking, we’re objecting because she consistently sides with rapists, AS WELL as the fact she’s a transmisogynistic bigot, because we don’t really like rape apologism.
Greer’s supporters, on the other hand, will always dismiss and excuse everything she says about rape, because their concerns for “women’s safety” are false, and they’d rather just hate trans women.
Anyway, it goes without saying that if you’re a feminist who actually prioritises women’s safety, you do not book Greer. This has been the case for fucking YEARS, and it’s why so many of us have such side-eye for those who continually book her and defend her.
And I’m sorry, but you don’t get to plead ignorance on Greer being no-platformed, because most correspondence asking for her to be deplatformed will mention the fact she’s a rape apologist as well as a transmisogynistic bigot. The issue is always highlighted.
One more thing. Some people are trying to “explain” all this by suggesting either dementia or trauma. I don’t buy this, but if true, shame on anyone booking her bc they know she’ll say something controversial. That’s a major safeguarding issue and would be exploiting a sick woman
however, given the long rich history of shittiness, I think she’s just an asshole. Who you shouldn’t ever book.

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The athletes are all genetic mutants thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

The change of rules about testosterone levels in women athletes is a blatant attempt to get at top athletes like Caster Semenya. It’s also no doubt informed by racism, as there’s a lot of anti-blackness targeted at CS. I’m also fascinated by this obsession with testosterone.
See, pretty much every athlete who is competing at a high level is a genetic freak of some sort, with a mutation that gives them an advantage in their sport.
For example, Usain Bolt is super-fast because he’s super-tall. His big long legs mean that he completes a course in fewer strides than someone shorter.
There’s a lot of natural variation in humans, and it’s why most of us, no matter how hard we train, will never become sporting superstars, because we lack particular inborn quirks that give us the edge from Very Good to Excellent.
Now, one of those things which varies naturally in people is testosterone level. Some women have high testosterone. Some have low testosterone. Some men have high testosterone. Some have low testosterone. That’s a natural variation.
And it’s a natural variation much like some people have proportionally longer legs than others, or that some people have red blood cells that’ll carry oxygen better, or whatever. We vary, naturally, and some variances are helpful to sporting ability.
Now, historically, we’ve divided sport into men’s and women’s. It’s only recently that there’s become reason to question these two neat separate categories, because science shows it’s a bit more complicated than that.
There’s been a predictable backlash over this, because a lot of people don’t really like science and would prefer to pretend like there’s a really neat distinction.
And I *think* this is where the peculiar fixation on testosterone kicks in, because testosterone is a naturally-occurring hormone which can affect performance.
And it’s *also* something primary schools teach is a difference between boys and girls, which is a nice one for those with poor scientific literacy, because they’ve heard of it and think it’s a clean-cut distinction.
Which it *isn’t*. And it’s fucking ridiculous to suggest that a woman whose testosterone is higher than average must medicate herself in order to compete–just as it’d be ABSURD to suggest a woman with lover than average testosterone should take it.
And yet, here we are. Some women athletes are being penalised for a particular quirk in their bodies which gives them a slight advantage, even though no other particular advantage-giving natural quirks are bans for competing.
Should people who are naturally small and slight be banned from competing in gymnastics? Should people born in mountainous regions be banned from long-distance because of their lung capacity and red blood cells? Of fucking course not.
Testosterone makes a difference in sport performance, as does any of those other little inborn quirks, and when you stack them up, you’ve got an amazing athlete. But it’s preposterous to single out that when there’s so many other advantages top-level athletes have over us.
I know! I know! Maybe athletes who have longer legs than average should have to have an inch or two of shinbone removed before they’re allowed to compete to ensure a level playing field for all!
Swimmers with flexible ankles like Michael Phelps must be forced to wear ankle braces so their ankles only bend the “average” amount!
Basically, it’s ludicrous to single out testosterone. And also gonna assume most of my followers aren’t world class athletes and tell you, it’s OK that you’re not as good as Olympians. They’re genetic mutants.

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The epilepsy and seizure first aid awareness thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

This. And also DO NOT PUT ANYTHING IN OUR MOUTHS. You cannot swallow your tongue, but you can choke to death on a fucking spoon crammed in there.

I really cannot overstate how dangerous it is to put things in the mouth of someone having a seizure. It can cause choking, it is also likely to break teeth (and epileptics don’t get free NHS dentistry so that’s a problem).
Meanwhile, the worst thing that can happen to someone’s mouth during a seizure if they’re left alone is grinding teeth, which is suboptimal but better than broken from forcing a spoon in there; and a bitten inside of mouth and tongue, which is sore but heals really quick.
A general rule for helping someone having a seizure is to avoid touching them. If there’s a dangerous thing nearby, like something they could hit their head on or spill, etc, MOVE THE THING NOT THE PERSON
Once the seizure has stopped, you can roll them into the recovery position, but while it’s going on, you don’t need to do anything except time the seizure and call an ambulance if it goes on longer than a couple of minutes.
Yes, in this case if you can get something soft under their head that would help, but try to slip it under when they’re moving rather than moving their head up

🦇 Batalie Dread 🦇@nataliereed84

The one thing I’ve worried about seeing people seize is their head banging on concrete or whatever. Is it a good idea to tuck a jacket or something under someone’s head, or better to leave be?

The thing I think a lot of people don’t understand about seizures is every muscle in your body fully tenses, so if someone attempts to move you, that muscle is likely to be overstretched and possibly tear, which is VERY PAINFUL when you wake up
Yes, this is really helpful to do, if someone needs it! But offer it to them, don’t just put it on them while seizing!

Bonnie S Schwertner 🤬⏰@schfinkes

So true! My sister would sometimes also lose bladder control. If someone has a cardigan – for later – to wrap around the waist, it’s saves a bit of humiliation.

Half an hour is the recommended time to wait, although call an ambulance earlier if they have another seizure before waking up from the last one. Please note once people wake up from a seizure they’re often confused or out of it. That’s usually normal

PhilippaB@Philby1976

If the seizure has stopped and you do this, is there a period of time after which you should call an ambulance if they haven’t fully ‘come round’? (Not sure of correct terminology, sorry – this is a very useful thread)

But following on from that, if there are stroke symptoms after someone has woken up from a seizure (think FAST: facial drooping, arm weakness, speech difficulties) then call emergency services as something may be more wrong.
To be honest, I always go a bit blue whenever I have a seizure, and for a lot of epileptics, that’s normal during the seizure because your breathing isn’t right – not necessarily positioning. Roll them into recovery position after the seizure stops.

sddoubleBOO@sdwolfpup

What if they’re on their back and turning blue? Ive read they should be turned on their side but not restrained. Or should we still leave them? Appreciate any info.

A little more on post-ictal state (i.e. when someone’s woken up but isn’t “quite right”): it lasts up to half an hour, and can have quite diverse symptoms. Confusion, nausea and vomming, forgetfulness, bad coordination, being blissed out. If it stops after half an hour it’s OK
Personally, I get REALLY horny after a seizure, and I will probably crack on to anyone and everyone, and I feel sorry for every ambulance crew who has ever dealt with me. I also get proper goldfish memory and repeat myself. I probably won’t remember that half hour, thankfully.
The trick for dealing with a person after a seizure is be reassuring and patient, remind them what’s happened and ask if they need anything. And ask again and remind them again, because memory/confusion is one of the most common after-effects.
As a general rule, in someone with a seizure disorder, a seizure looks a lot more dangerous and scary than it is. I’m not saying it’s healthy to have a seizure, but be aware that in attempting to help, you may harm them more than the seizure would!
As well as blue lips, know that when someone has a seizure they’ll often froth at the mouth, sometimes bloody froth. Again, looks worse than it is, the froth is just saliva and the blood comes from biting the tongue.
I suppose I want to prepare everyone for what seizures look like, because they look fucking TERRIFYING to see, lots of very unnatural body motion, eyes rolling, frothing, blueness… it can look terrible, but for the VAST majority of seizures, it will stop and they’ll be OK.
And it’s also worth noting that unless you’re a trained medical professional equipped with diazepam and phenytoin, there’s nothing you can do to stop the seizure, which is also scary for a bystander. What helps is knowing when to call an ambulance, and how not to harm them.
First time I actually saw someone have a seizure was long after I’d been diagnosed and I was like “OH DEAR GOD HOW CAN ANYONE SURVIVE THAT” and finally understood why I often woke up to COMPLETE PANIC lol
So to recap: avoid touching a person having a seizure. Move hazards not them. Call an ambulance if seizure lasts more than 5 mins, they have another seizure before waking up from last one, or they don’t wake up for half an hour. Expect weirdness once they wake up.
Oh, and finally, take a moment to breathe for yourself and try to stay calm: the vast majority of the time, it looks a hell of a lot worse than it is.
ONE MORE THING: many people with seizure disorders will wear medic-alert jewellery. It often includes information that is specific to them (e.g. if they have meds in their bag to give, a doctor to call, that they’re fine). Follow any instructions they have on them!

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The mass murderer profile thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

[cw murder] I have literally no idea why all of the media are calling the Toronto killer’s Facebook post “cryptic”. It’s very clear in its intent and if anyone had bothered investigating online communities of white misogynists, the entire thing is basically bog-standard.
lemme break it down for you: these white misogynists fucking love the army and see themselves as soldiers. They hate people they see as “normies”, and consider themselves outside and above it. And they fucking agree with every page of Rodger’s manifesto. Pretty non-cryptic tbh.
The fact that anyone investigating this post thinks it’s “cryptic” shows that they’ve clearly learned NOTHING from the spate of mass murders and still haven’t bothered probing how this radicalised community functions.
And if you’ve spent 30 seconds on reddit, all of the language used in the Toronto murderer’s post is not even remotely cryptic. It is literally par for the course in this community.
This is part of the reason why r/incel was banned along with several other alt-right and misogynistic subreddits: even *reddit*, the perineum of the internet, recognised the potentially dangerous and threatening radicalisation happening there.
And of course, women have been pointing out the threat posed by these white misogynists since fucking forever, and because nobody listened, we’ve now had a spate of mass murders with killers of the exact profile we’ve been saying was dangerous.
So, law enforcement: listen to women. We’ve been doing what you’ve failed to do and monitored the situation.
Here are some things to look out for, since apparently I’m having to do your fucking job for you:
-White male
-Misogynistic
-Thinks he’s entitled to sex
-Fetishises the military
-Really loves guns or other weapons
-A record of violence against women

You’re welcome.

They’re also highly likely to *also* express racist sentiments, because this shit all goes hand in hand, so watch out for overt racism, nationalism, and dogwhistles.
At the end of the day, none of this is remotely cryptic to anyone who’s been paying attention to the situation.

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The TERFs at Pride thread

A backed up Twitter thread, because I regularly delete my tweets (here’s why, and why you should, too).

Thinking about the bigots protesting Pride yesterday, I suppose it was a bit of a relief to see that there was only a handful of them and it *was* the same faces who picketed the Dyke March a few years back, suggesting they’re failing miserably at recruiting. BUT…
That’s absolutely no reason to be complacent. Despite the tiny numbers, we lesbians do need to admit we have this problem of bigots within our community and do what we must to deal with that problem.
It’s not enough to say “they don’t represent us”, although of course they don’t represent us. We need to take a hard-line stance, zero tolerance, standing up to transphobia wherever possible and constantly showing solidarity with and centring our trans lesbian sisters.
We KNOW who some of these people who appropriate lesbian identity in order to spread bigotry are. We need to ensure they are not welcome in lesbian spaces; as well as being bigots they pose a material physical danger to trans and cis dykes alike.
(for those wondering why they’re a threat to cis lesbians too, imagine one of those bigots decides you’re quite tall and they can ~always tell~ when someone’s trans)
We need to make it very clear that transphobia and transmisogyny is NOT WELCOME in our lesbian community and our lesbian spaces. We’re doing this already, to some extent, now let’s do it MORE.
As lesbians, we’re best placed to clean out the massive turd on our own carpet, and as *cis* lesbians, we are the ones who MUST do the heavy lifting here. Cis lesbians are uniquely placed to deal with the dangers posed by bigoted cis lesbians.
Silence is violence and what we cis lesbians need to say is not “not all cis lesbians” but “these transmisogynistic bigots are disgusting and not welcome. I support my trans lesbian sisters”. That’s where we start, and now we get out the metaphorical marigolds and clean our house
Oh and finally, on a purely pragmatic level we kind of need to deal with the bigot lesbians because their definition of lesbian is so fucking narrow that all lesbians will have died out in 20 years or so when old age has claimed those nasty sorts.
tl;dr us cis lesbians gotta step the fuck up because that handful of bigots are our problem and we need to deal with it.

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