Author: stavvers

Let’s stop using the term “revenge porn”. Please.

Content warning: this post discusses abusive behaviour, victim blaming and misogyny

Every time I see the phrase “revenge porn” it hits a kind of berserk button inside me. I am writing this post to save myself having to have the same bloody rant every time it pops up: automating my own fury as it were, because I doubt the phrase is going to go away any time soon.

Revenge porn is not, as the name would suggest, like Kill Bill but naked. It’s the name the media like to give to distributing sexual images or videos (usually of women) without the consent of the person featured in them, usually to humiliate them. I’m not sure who came up with the name–it may have been men attempting to trivialise the violence they are enacting, or it may have been those well-meaning but ultimately harmful anti-porn feminists who have decided to have a pop at pornography. Either way, it’s a gross name for it, and as feminists we must be deeply critical of it.

Revenge porn is neither revenge, nor porn.

“Revenge” is inherently victim-blaming. It suggests that there is something that ought to be avenged: something that the victim did to warrant such treatment. There isn’t. Intimate images and videos aren’t released to avenge, they’re released to intimidate, to control, to humiliate. It’s probable that the perpetrator thinks he’s enacting revenge for perceived slight on the part of the victim, but that’s not what’s really happening, and it is not all right to keep on using the language that abusers will likely prefer.

“Porn” is perhaps harder to define, but most definitions tend to include that it is produced for the purposes of sexual arousal to distinguish porn from other reasons people might be naked in representations. Again, “revenge porn” does not fit this purpose. In a lot of instances, perhaps, the images or video were created because the people involved found it erotic at the time, but the public distribution of them did not have titillation in mind. The purpose was to intimidate, to control, to humiliate.

The usage of “porn” here is much the same as in the equally ghastly phrase “child porn” to describe images or video of the sexual abuse of children (and we should stop using that phrase too).

Put together, what we have in the term “revenge porn” is something which trivialises the violence being enacted, while simultaneously rooting for the perpetrators.

As feminists, it’s important we question everything, but it’s not difficult to see why, in a culture which helps abusers at the expense of survivors, the phrase “revenge porn” grew so popular.

So what to use instead of “revenge porn”? Instead of the euphemisms, I suggest we call it what it is, and here are a few suggestions:

  • Abuse
  • Humiliation
  • Sexual shaming
  • Violence against women
  • Non-consensual distribution of sexual images or video

You’ll note at least two of those are shorter than “revenge porn”.

 

Rape survivors are innocent until proved guilty

Content warning: this post discusses rape and rape apologism

It’s been an interesting few weeks regarding accountability for rapist. People believed Stoya and other women when they said they had been raped by James Deen, and took action on Deen. Serial rapist Daniel Holtzclaw has been convicted for preying on vulnerable Black women, hoping that misogynoir would let him get away with it indefinitely. And even the rat-faced embassy-botherer Julian Assange is set to face questioning at last.

But with small gains comes a kickback, and of course those who would like to help rapists keep on raping have been out in force. They feel sad that rapists are having their careers ruined, and people are believing the words of survivors. They’re saying the usual horrible shit.

Today, I’d like to talk about one of the favourite tired lines of the rape apologist: “innocent until proved guilty”. Now, notwithstanding the fact that “innocent” is never a verdict that crops up in court, nor the fact that even the figures for men admitting to having raped someone vastly outstrip the conviction rate for rape, those who cling to this framework are making a right mess out of their own logic.

See, when people defend rapists, they like to rely on a very boring narrative: “women lie”. They like to pretend that the accuser is making it up to ruin a man’s life for funsies, because that’s apparently a nicer thing to think than that chap they like is a rapist. And when they do that, they are therefore accusing women who speak out about their rapes of perverting the course of justice, of perjury, of serious, serious offences.

Rape apologists are accusing those who speak out about their rapes of criminal activity.

Rape survivors are innocent until proved guilty.

If you’re one of those people who thinks you’re not a rape apologist and just cares about due process, &c., &c., then ask yourself why you’ll cry “innocent until proved guilty” while defending a man accused of rape, but never for the accuser, who you are implicitly (or sometimes explicitly) accusing of perverting the course of justice.

There are consequences to the accusations that rape apologists like to fling about. These accusations can ruin a woman’s life.

First and foremost, the accusations that rape apologists like to bandy about are a great tool for keeping survivors quiet (and therefore helping rapists get away with it). It holds a fear of not being believed… and a fear of severe consequences.

And these consequences can escalate into real-world tragedies, for example Eleanor de Freitas, who took her life when a man launched a private prosecution against her after police decided not to pursue the rape she reported.

The accusations that rape apologists make against survivors can literally kill.

When someone speaks out about their rape, whether in reporting it to the police, or publicly naming their rapist, or starting an accountability process, or any way they see fit to deal with it, they are innocent of lying until proved guilty.

Let’s reclaim this war cry from the rape apologists, and declare that survivors are innocent until proved guilty. Let’s throw it in their faces, and honk like sea lions at them, asking for evidence that this alleged perversion of the course of justice occured, urging them to be reasonable rather than levelling serious accusations. It cuts both ways, and their weapon can be wielded in our hands. Let’s bore them silly until that fucking hackneyed cliche stops cropping up in discussions of rape.

Survivors of rape are innocent until proved guilty. 

Things I read this fortnight that I found interesting

It’s link round-up time again!

Open Barbers need a new venue!– Open Barbers do queer friendly hairdressing/barbering. This service is really amazing and necessary, but they need money for a new, accessible venue. Please help them by donating or sharing.

How Stoya took on James Deen and broke the porn industry’s silence (Melissa Gira Grant)- Interviewing Stoya and other porn performers about sexual violence. This is a very important article.

Trans ™: how the trans movement got sold out (Ray Filar)- How capitalism is attempting to coopt trans.

We can save atheism from the New Atheists like Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris (Jeff Sparrow)- A good analysis of why the public faces of atheism are such seeping bellends at present.

“But I thought he was a nice guy?!” (Girl on the Net)- Great article on how rapists can appear to be nice guys… and often think of themselves as such.

Carceral Feminism: Stoya and Jessica Jones (Kiva Bay)- Why a lot of survivors don’t go to the police, examined through the frame of Jessica Jones and Stoya’s recent disclosure.

Sady Doyle on Mary Shelley (Sady Doyle)- A few tweets on why you are rubbish if you diss Mary Shelley.

When Feminism Is a Brand (Kitty Stryker)- How men use feminism as a brand or identity, and how this can turn abusive.

The Face in the Machine (Phil Plait)- How pareidolia produces something fucking terrifying.

Feminists dye fountains red in anti-austerity protest (Sisters Uncut)- Read why activists undertook this striking action.

Video: Rub (Peaches)- Probably don’t watch this video if you’re at work, or with your nan, or anywhere where it’s not acceptable to see lots of hot naked people and hear the line “Can’t talk right now, this chick’s dick is in in my mouth” on repeat.

3 Ways Men Wanting to ‘Focus On Her Pleasure’ During Sex Can Still Be Sexist (Ginny Brown)- This puts into words a lot of things I’ve felt but had trouble articulating, in particular how it turns enjoying sex into another emotional labour.

We marched for peace – not to ‘bully’ Stella Creasy (Sue Wheat)- The media have been curiously reluctant to tell truths that conflict with their narratives, so read the truth here.

And finally, here’s a woman mashing her face into bread. I don’t know why, but it’s kind of hypnotic.

Just FYI, Kyle Sandilands is a liar

So, if you came out here to yell at me because I allegedly fed Kyle Sandilands some of my bread without his knowledge, know that he is a total liar. That was not me phoning in, that was an impersonator. The entire thing was faked without my knowledge or consent.

I mean honestly, think about it logically. With Australian import laws as they are, do you really think I could have somehow managed to get that bread into the studio?

The dude made the whole thing up. Literally all of it. Sorry to disappoint. I know how much you lot like to believe misogynists, but the only people who have eaten or will eat my bread are those who know full well what it is.

(yes, I am currently exploring options for taking legal action)

UPDATE: The Daily Mail have apologised for writing fanfic about me.

Things I read this week that I found interesting

Is it time for another link round up? It’s time for another link round up.

Don’t feed the trolls! Time to boycott the media feminists (Stephanie Farnsworth)- A call to boycott people who thrive off of controversy.

Nicki Minaj reading Maya Angelou– Shiver-inducing magic.

You are exactly like all the others, whatever they say (Sam Ambreen)- Sam turns her fire on highly pervasive racism among people and the media.

Precariousness and Grievability—When Is Life Grievable? (Judith Butler)- An excerpt from a previous essay, well worth reading in light of recent events.

The Logic of Masculinist Protection: Reflections on the Current Security State (Iris Marion Young)- Again, this is an old essay, written in 2003, and it really, really shouldn’t still be so completely relevant.

After the Paris Attacks: 4 Questions We Need to Ask (James Butler)- These are all incredibly important questions.

Test (Robot Hugs)- Proposing a new metric for female character development: the fleshlight with a postit test.

Silenced! …. Permanently. (Natacha Kennedy)- Highlighting what silencing means for paid cis people like Greer versus trans woman like Vicky Thompson, and how the former category have blood on their hands.

And finally, my friend is in a lot of trouble. They’re young, black and queer and living with psychosis. They need a bit of money to make it through the next few months. I can vouch that they’re awesome and may be overstating the problem. Please consider donating or sharing.

 

Trans Day of Remembrance: even one death is too many

Content warning: this post discusses transmisogyny, suicide, murder and prison

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance, and this year we are remembering 271 trans people who were murdered. Read the list of their names.

Of the victims, the overwhelming majority were trans women of colour. They were killed in brutal, vicious ways: stabbings, stonings, beheadings. We live in a violent world, and trans women of colour are more at risk of visceral violences than many others.

On Transgender Day of Remembrance, we mourn them, and each year we hope that the list will be shorter in the future.

The list only counts those who were directly murdered by the hand of another. This means that many other deaths are not counted: trans people are at a high risk of suicide, as well as HIV, addiction, and many other factors which cause one to die young, far far too young. It is perhaps not even possible to count these deaths.

One sticks out though. The day before TDoR, a news story broke. Vicky Thompson, a trans woman, was sent to a men’s prison. She had said she would kill herself if this happened. A week ago today, she was found dead in a men’s prison. Vicky Thompson’s death comes mere weeks after advocacy and action helped get Tara Hudson moved to a women’s prison. Vicky Thompson was just 21 years old.

The justice system have Vicky Thompson’s blood on her hands. Ministers Michael Gove and Andrew Selous have Vicky Thompson’s blood on their hands. The judges who sent Vicky Thompson to a men’s prison have her blood on their hands. Those who argue that a woman belongs in a men’s prison have Vicky Thompson’s blood on their hands.

Vicky Thompson’s death was as good as a murder. Vicky Thompson did not need to die. Vicky Thompson could have been easily saved, but there are too many who would rather see her dead than lift a finger to ensure that nobody ever dies like her again.

There is a culture of violence against trans women, and it is propped up and enacted by our government. Transphobia and transmisogyny demonstrably kill, and these bigoted, murderous views must die. It is not just words, just an opinion. Transphobic views kill, and they help the murderers get away with it.

Each Transgender Day of Remembrance, I boil with anger and sorrow. Even one death is too many, and trans women are killed in droves. The violence must end.

Things I read

It’s that weekly round up time again!

The Gay Men Who Hate Women (Sean Faye)- Excellent analysis of the problem, with particular focus on how misogyny from gay men affects trans and queer women. Unsurprisingly, Sean got a lot of shit for this article. And so did women sharing the article. From gay men. Who are totes not misogynistic.

How to Write a “Political Correctness Run Amok” Article (Julia Serano)- Brilliant, witty piece on the whinings coming recently from the Greers and Bindels of the world.

Fascism (Tressie McMillan Cottom)- Examining the relationship between the media and activists, with focus on how Mizzou students were branded fascists for their suspicions.

The Fifteen Questions we work with (Undercover Research Group)- These are questions worth asking to check if there is an undercover cop in your midst.

People Don’t Hate Safe Spaces, They Hate The People They Protect (Miles Johnson)- This is an excellent article on the function of safer spaces and the reaction to them.

“We must unite globally against police brutality” Marcia Rigg on building an international coalition (Marcia Rigg)- The sister of a man killed by police states the need for global action.

Why our conversations about Paris have been broken from the start (Zoe Samudzi)- By far the best thing I’ve seen on the Paris attacks.

Volunteering At An Abortion Clinic Made Me Lose Patience With The Abortion Debate (Kaye Toal)- Why access to abortion is not a debate.

Autogynophilia pathologizes normal female behavior (Tobi Hill-Meyer)- Short critique of the transmisogynistic pseudoscience of autogynophilia.

Stalling Civil Rights: Conservative Sexual Thought has been in the Toilet Since the 1940s (Gillian Frank)- A short history of debates about who should (and should not) be allowed to access public toilets.

No such thing as straight women? The real danger behind this study. (Consider the Tea Cosy)- You probably saw the study, now here’s the takedown.

Relying on volunteering is more unfair than you think (Sasha)- Great piece on how relying on volunteering to assign tasks usually ends up with women doing the heavy lifting.

And finally, if you’re enjoying these posts and want to support me, please consider becoming a patron. It means a hell of a lot to me.

Protect our poor white boys from the evils of trigger warnings

An evil stalks our white men, threatening them with seconds of mild awkwardness and the possibility they might have to think about others briefly. I am talking, of course, of trigger warnings. The usage of a short textual warning above content, equivalent to allergy or seizure warnings but relating to mental health, is new to these white men, just catching their attention.

It scares them. It scares them shitless. For many, it is hands down the biggest threat they are facing. And this cannot stand: this historically-cossetted group is finally encountering some adversity: imagine! They may have to think about other people’s feelings, something we have wrapped them in cotton wool to avoid. They may have to take thirty seconds of their time to type a short warning about what lies within an article… or even a book, fancy that! And worst of all–this is something we have tried for millennia to shield the poor souls from–people might, upon reading a trigger warning, choose not to immediately read what they have written.

This cannot stand. Nothing hurts white men’s feelings more than being able to blart their opinions everywhere while everyone smiles and nods. We have trained them into this, they know no different. They must be cushioned against this frightening change that has come upon them.

Of course, the little darlings are not completely defenceless. They have been bravely writing articles everywhere about how they are being censored, frequently getting paid to write about just how censored and silenced they are. They have been compiling “scientific” evidence: did you know “exposure therapy” works? It does, that’s why it’s used so often on chat shows like Maury! And, also, it shows up, like, all the time in films and fiction, where the character “faces their fears” and suddenly it’s no longer a problem. Science!

However, despite their best efforts, it isn’t enough. We are facing perhaps the biggest epidemic of Hurt White Man Feelings since Jeremy Clarkson got sacked. The warm duvets of blissful ignorance may be unwrapped, revealing that some people have experienced far worse than having to summarise content. This cannot be: white men’s problems are obviously the biggest problems.

And so, avoid trigger warnings. They may help survivors, and people with phobias, people with all manner of mental health problems, but let’s not forget the realest of real victims: white men who might have to do something. It is they who must be protected at all costs, because they never had to grow coping mechanisms like the rest of us.

Things I read this week that I found interesting

It’s link round-up time again. Dig in!

MY NAME IS LEGION – The British Legion and the Control of Remembrance (Rod Tweedy)- It’s Remembrance Sunday so read this if you haven’t already.

Choosing Queer: I Was Not Born This Way, And That’s Ok. (Hari Ziyad)- Beautiful article on the choices the author made to be queer.

“Radical Self-Reliance” Is Killing People. (Kitty Stryker)- Deeply personal discussion as to how this trend is harmful.

Street Harassment in Nottingham: The Problems with Policing (Nottingham SOLFED)- A feminist critique of using police to deal with street harassment.

Why I Don’t F**k with Feminism, Even If It’s Intersectional (Jaime A. Swift)- How feminism has failed Black woman and how important Black women’s own organising and spaces are.

Fact check: study shows transition makes trans people suicidal (Cristan Williams)- Fact checking a favourite study that transphobic bigots love to trot out: the author thinks their interpretation of her findings is bollocks.

I Love Dick is one of the most important books about being a woman – no wonder it’s being dismissed (Dawn Foster)- This is a great article about one of my favourite books. You should read this, then read I Love Dick.

And finally, here’s a live stream of kittens, because you deserve it.